Hidden Joys of Speakerphones

Kevin and I have been losing the war on boredom in the past few days, which explains why I haven't posted since then -- lack of motivation and happenings. So inbetween watching episodes of Spaced or DVD screeners (today was "In Good Company"), we've invented a game using our friend, the speakerphone. I used to hate the speakerphone with a passion when I was an intern. It's annoying and the sound quality is usually shite. However, when you want to mess with co-workers, the speakerphone is your bestest friend. Here's a few tips on how to do so:

1. The distance trick-- while you are on the speakerphone, vary your distance from the speaker and change directions. Faking shortness of breath and jogging in place is advisable. If the co-worker asks you what you are doing, get really defensive.

2. Fun with numbers-- whenever you have to recite a number over the phone, especially an long id number such as a product#, have your cubicle neighbor interject random numbers, letters, and dashes while you are trying to talk. If the co-worker gets miffed, feign anger at cubicle neighbor

3. Dumb and Dumber(er)-- call up one of your friends on speakerphone with cube neighbor on standby. Barage friend with alternating calls of "Mock---Yeah!" "Ing---Yeah!" "Bird---Yeah!"
Hanging up quickly thereafter is advised.

4. Bullhorn-- Print out an random e-mail and roll it into a makeshift megaphone. Call up same friend on speakerphone and spill out jibberish.

5. Just be an A-hole-- I tend to pick on my favorite third shift engineer for this one. Assign her a case out of order (if she is supposed to get a case last, give it to her first). When she complains, just say something to the effect of "I don't want to give it to *other female engineer here*, she's too pretty". Telling a woman that she is getting a heavier workload because the other female employee is prettier is kind of a dick move, make sure you apologize later. This situation can be customized to any business.