More Weird Shit from America's Breadbasket
Wichita Eagle | 06/07/2005 | Bizarre burglar disrupts pastor's brunch
Okay, so some dude in my hometown decides to rob a Baptist minister while he is preaching, and is caught post sermon in their house trying on his/her clothes and watching the Karate Kid part II. To me the only thing weirder than that would be to be caught masturbating to Burt Reynolds in Canonball Run II. I wonder if the burglar had already made his way through Karate Kid part I before starting part II. I would have to advise that he skip part III though and jump directly to "The Next Karate Kid". Not that he'll be getting the chance anytime soon. You see, when you are soaking in someone else's hot tub while watching said Ralph Machio vehicle, you tend to leave behind lots and lots of forensic evidence. Just in case catching someone in your shorts isn't proof enough for Kansas courtrooms.
In other news, it's my birthday this weekend and I'm getting old and my friends have no pity for me. Instead they wish to accellerate my decline by making me drink lots of wine last weekend and probably will be feeding me shots this weekend. My sister is prime instigator in this. She will yell "Bitches take shots!" until I do. This is her favorite new bar phrase, and I wouldn't be surprised if she puts it on a T-shirt. I've also received several gifts already that seem to aid in further debauchery. Among them are a liquor pump and a multitude of various shot glasses and snifters.
Also, have been practicing the guitar a lot lately, and have added a handfull of 70's/80's songs to my repartoire. I've also started on some blues scales/progressions and am finding that pretty sweet.
Well, that's enough babbling for now. I've got work to do and houses to look at.
Okay, so some dude in my hometown decides to rob a Baptist minister while he is preaching, and is caught post sermon in their house trying on his/her clothes and watching the Karate Kid part II. To me the only thing weirder than that would be to be caught masturbating to Burt Reynolds in Canonball Run II. I wonder if the burglar had already made his way through Karate Kid part I before starting part II. I would have to advise that he skip part III though and jump directly to "The Next Karate Kid". Not that he'll be getting the chance anytime soon. You see, when you are soaking in someone else's hot tub while watching said Ralph Machio vehicle, you tend to leave behind lots and lots of forensic evidence. Just in case catching someone in your shorts isn't proof enough for Kansas courtrooms.
In other news, it's my birthday this weekend and I'm getting old and my friends have no pity for me. Instead they wish to accellerate my decline by making me drink lots of wine last weekend and probably will be feeding me shots this weekend. My sister is prime instigator in this. She will yell "Bitches take shots!" until I do. This is her favorite new bar phrase, and I wouldn't be surprised if she puts it on a T-shirt. I've also received several gifts already that seem to aid in further debauchery. Among them are a liquor pump and a multitude of various shot glasses and snifters.
Also, have been practicing the guitar a lot lately, and have added a handfull of 70's/80's songs to my repartoire. I've also started on some blues scales/progressions and am finding that pretty sweet.
Well, that's enough babbling for now. I've got work to do and houses to look at.
posted by Brent at 11:48 AM
12 Comments:
Old? Don't worry about getting old. Not yet, anyway.
Happy birthday, by the way.
Happy Birthday to you. And okay...a liquor pump? What would this be? I love your sister, btw.
Sign #1 that you have a drinking problem: All you get for your birthday is drinking paraphenalia. This is a sure sign that for your next birtday--after everyone compares notes--you'll be getting an Intervention.
Congratulations.
Is a liquor pump like an insulin pump? Happy birthday, whatever it is. Hopefully someone will get you a nice normal birthday gift, like a kitten or a frying pan.
Must have sucked to spend your birthday in jail...I can't believe you haven't watched Karate Kid II until now...BTW, not really smart on your part. Next time, think..."Timing".
There's a much, much better version of the story on CNN
Happy birthday to you. Don't worry you're not officially "old" until you hit 30, at least by my reckoning.
Why would anyone break into a ministers house?
Larry: Thanks
SJ: She's more evil than Steph
Pops: Peer pressure is a bitch
IPM: it's more of a bartender tool, lets you squirt the alcohol into a glass much like it was a soda fountain. Kittens and frying pans were both on my list consequently.
G.D: Has Pop's ADHD rubbed off on you?
MPH: I'm having a psychic premonition: You will die alone.
James: It's a good thing my employers don't watch the news.
Alex: Jesus Juice
Hey, my bday's this Friday--I knew there was a reason I liked you, you crazy 80s-loving Gemini, you. And no matter how old you feel, I'm still older, so buck up and drink til you puke!
Let me know when you've learned the complete works of Prince so we can have a sing-a-long!
Just party like it's 1999 you stud!
Holy crap, Steph too? SJ, me, Brent, Steph... it's like a goddamn birthday conspiracy all to alienate and ostracize MPH. I think I love it.
Wait. I guess I don't quite understand the story, since it involved Kansas, but involved neither Lutherans nor murder. He's marring the good name of the Sunflower State!
Post a Comment
<< Home