The Guilty Must Be Punished

It's been a troubling night/morning for me... mostly because some wise-ass took apart the coffee machine near my cube. I know there was nothing wrong with it last night, because I drank a full pot of black tar goodness. Needless to say, I'm dozing off with ANGER. This is almost worse than the time Jolly threatened to take my Swingline(tm) stapler (the same model as the one Milton used in Office Space, only in chic black). I threatened to piss on his chair for that. I wonder what needs to be done about this coffee fiasco? I'm nodding off at my desk and the director is due to check up on tonight's reports in an hour. If my piss bag were full, all would be punished. I wanted to top off this post with an angry pic, but when I did a Google Image search I ended up with this queer looking Jedi /Chippendale.

Maybe if I keep listening to the sweet sadness of the Arcade Fire and reading my new Nick Hornby book, all will be well.

Now listening to: The Arcade Fire: Funeral
Now reading: Nick Hornby, "How To Be Good"

Duh.

Spirit of Christmas

Happy Birthday Jeebuz!



Note: "Hello" doesn't like my firewall at work so I had to ACTUALLY use some HTML. This angers me endlessly as my HTML skills suck the big one.

Warning: Horrible Digital Photography Below

Usually I am against picture posts as they are an easy way out of writing something, but tonight is different. My Christmakwanzakah present to myself is a new digital camera, so I have to play around with it. The preceding pics were taken either tonight, when my siblings and I celebrated x-makwanakah due to the fact I'm working all weekend, or the night before when I was just being stupid. That is one ugly run-on sentence. It's a good thing it's almost 4AM and I don't care as much.

Adam rocks out...poorly 

My kung fu skills are so great my camera can't even capture it... If Daniel-san had these moves, he wouldn't have needed Mr. Miyagi's help to bail his ass out when the Kobra Kai jumped him at the halloween ball. 

Adam's new Monster Garage (tm) toy can sure pancake that shit! 

Sara is pretty....angry 

Dear Lord, I have no idea why this picture seemed like a good idea, but it totally wasn't. 

My job sucks VS. My job is awesome

My feelings about my job this week are somewhat mixed.


Case for sucks:

• I have to work the entire holiday season (Christmas Eve, Day, and New Years)
• On my shift I rarely see other people besides Kevin
• Sheer boredom factor
• I cured the boredom by watching MANY episodes of "That 70's Show"
• I get to deal with the French
  

Case for awesome:

• I'm getting LOTS of holiday pay for working the shit shift
• Once I get more settled in, I can start training training training for a better job
  
• I cured the boredom today by WATCHING many episodes of "That 70's Show"
• I get to shut the French DOWN
  

Getting Back into Shape

I went to the gym today for the first time since re-joining. My ultimate goal is to get in better shape, which is actually easier than it sounds. You see, since I previously never bothered to move around a whole lot, just gettting on a treadmill is going to get me into "better" shape. Lowered expectations are sometimes a glorious thing. Not that I was a fatty fatty 2X4 or anything, but I certainly wasn't going to win the Tour de' France.

Even before deciding that I should work some stuffing out, I was losing some weight. The first couple of pounds could probably be attributed to the "depression diet" but the other ten are mostly from cutting out all the fast food and soda. Instead I have these wonderful meals of lunchables and goldfish crackers topped off with a large cup of workplace coffee sludge. Not as appetizing to be sure, but I ate less and eventually lost a grand total of 15 pounds in 2 months. Not bad for sitting on my ass and eating crackers. Oscar Mayer should give me an endorsement deal like they did that Jared kid from the Subway commercials. That kid had to eat sandwiches for every meal AND work out. I just eat crackers and watch DVD's. You decide.

"My Ex-girlfriends Suck" or "Moving on to the Anger Phase"

"The denial was the analgesic with which I palliated the mistake that was us."

From "Seven Types of Ambiguity"
By Elliot Perlman


The denial phase is over. I suckered myself into it like I normally do, and ended it much the same. I'm continuing my moving on process by proceeding on to the anger phase. This typically involves listening to a lot of Ben Folds (particularly "Song for the Dumped") and contemplating ways to get my personall property back. I have a pretty good track record for getting my shit back, however this time I'm met with some pretty awkward resisitance. Every time I think I have a nice scheduled time to amicably reclaim my belongings and then snuff the bitch from my memories. No such luck. On the scheduled day I inevitably get a voice mail telling me she can't make it and she'll bring it tomorrow. This has gone on for weeks now. She's finally offered to mail me my stuff, which would be great if I think that it would happen. Among the things of mine she's "borrowed" are:

• One of my Al Franken books
• My Monty Python script book
• My hard-to-find Pavement discography
• A flash memory card reader that is actually my sister's

The only thing that keeps me from deleting her number off my cell phone is the unfortunately necessary correspondence (bitchy messages) needed to get said "shit" back. I almost think she's doing it not out of spite (although that's likely), but out of a desire to keep communication open. She's never had many people who wanted to forget she exists, which for an attention whore is is a huge blow to the ego.

Happy thoughts..... must gather happy thoughts.....

On the brighter side of things, the concert in KC was friggin' aweshum, and I had a great time with Aaron and his brother. Tonight while I was at work, one of the engineers brought her kitten for us to see. It's a cute enough kitty, but it looks like it's tail was amputated for some reason. I told Veronika, the engineer, that she should call the kitty "Nubbs". She already gave it some weird Russian name, though. That's all the happy thoughts I can think of for the moment: Kitties and concerts. Hopefully after I get my stuff back I can go back to being mellow. Staying up all night at work and drinking whole pots of coffee aren't improving that outlook, though.

Fraggle Rock's Socialist Undertones

I went to Best Buy the other day to do a little Christmas shopping and stumbled on a relic of my childhood. Best Buy now has piles of DVD's of old 80's cartoon/kids' series. I picked up a couple of DVD's, namely Fraggle Rock and Rainbow Brite the movie (as a gift, it's not really for me). So anyways, I popped in Fraggle Rock the other night at work and promptly blew my whole sense of reality. I remember Fraggle Rock being a nice little LSD invention of Jim Henson with fun songs and bright colors. What I didn't realize though is the East/West Germany parallel found in the relationship between the cute Dozer workers and the loud untamed Fraggles. The Dozers represent East Germany of course, with their strong work ethic and socialist attitude. Every member of the Dozer society is a valuable member of their society and provides a unique talent. On the other side of the fence is the Fraggles. Fraggles are larger and possess more physical prowess than the miniature Dozer worker. They also have a voracious appetite for the Dozers' constructions. The products of the Dozer's Utopian society are nothing more than Fraggle food. The Fraggles clearly must then represent a Capitalist society that has become unbalanced. They consume consume consume without ever having to contribute to the system. Granted, I probably wouldn't have come to this conclusion had I not watched "Goodbye Lenin" right before. That all said, I'm going back to the rewarding task of finishing up my Starbucks latte.

On the Topic of Alcohol

"You always know you're in for a good time when there is a polar bear bleeding on the label"

Fran from Black Books

This past Saturday, one of my oldest friends came back into town to have a good time. He recently graduated from Chiroprachty school and moved to KC to practice with his uncle. Well, as fate would have it we decided to sit around with his brother and sister, watch "Elf", and kill off my stash of wine. After killing a rather potent bottle myself, I started to develop an evil wine head-ache.... worst of all booze related headaches. My friend said he could help. He gave me a long drawn out explanation of constricted blood vessels and fluid on the brain, and gremlins (not really, but I don't remember the explanation well due to constant head throbbing). I was willing to let him try to fix it by bending me into a man pretzel, and it worked like a charm. A couple quick adjustments, and I was feeling back to normal. Who knew Chiropracty could be used as a hang over cure?

Also, as a nice fringe benefit he bought me some Jimmy Eat World tickets for Christmas. Posts for Wednesday and Thursday this week will be cancelled as I'm going to be taking a road trip to KC to collect.

Vampiric Qualities

Working overnights never seemed weird until last night/this morning. Up until now I've gone into work when it is dark outside, and left when it was still dark outside. This morning (about 3AM) one of my co-workers had the great idea of "Hey, let's get breakfast after work!". I was hesistant to do so as it meant I was probably going to lose a nice 2 hours of sleepytime. However, their persistant chants of "Pancakes and Skillets!" ensured that all three of us were at the mercy of Village Inn come 7AM. Village Inn isn't a terrible thing all by itself. I happened to enjoy their blueberry pancakes very much in high school, especially after a long night of watching B-movies and drinking the Beast (Natural Light, official beer of Bishop Carroll High School). However, this morning I decided to go with the biscuits and gravy. Normally biscuits and gravy are a safe choice, but today my safe choice decided to burn a hole through my small intestine. I don't know if it was the gravy that did this, as it was very bad, or the fact that I drank an entire pot of workplace coffee/sludge. Either way, it wasn't a good experience. I will probably end up doing this again next Monday morning as I am doomed to cycle through mistakes in life. JJ and Kev both agree that the person that makes it there last will pay for the food next time. I have the following factors against me:

1. I drive like a grandma.
2. My car is slower than theirs.
3. Because I drive like a grandma, my insurance premiums are almost lower than my parents. If I start driving like an asshole now, my premiums will shoot up. $15 for breakfast vs. $XXX for premium increases isn't much of a choice.

This post is lame. Chances are I'll come back and edit this so I sound a little less nerdy and a lot more normal. For now, I'm just going to post this picture to distract my viewer(s) while I think of something cool to say.




I'm such a dork

The Sweet Taste of Vengeance

I heard the best revenge idea (aka one I haven't heard of) yet this morning. Smite your former loved one's in three easy steps.

1. Go to Border's and grab a variety of the most unappealing magazines from their nicely stocked racks
2. Spend an hour tearing out the free trial issue coupons and filling in your ex's address
3. Drop pre-paid postage bearing coupons in mail
4. VENGEANCE!
   

I think I'm sending the gift of "GOP quarterly", "Soldier of Fortune", and "Prison Bitches" to my loved one this year....