Fuck TPS Reports!
Well, as some of you may know, I'm no longer a 3rd shift night monkey. I'm finding out quickly about all the survival tactics one needs to know to work 1st/2nd shift around here. I feel like I'm in Bizarro world. The regular rules of engagement just don't apply around here. I've compiled a short list of tips here, just in case anyone gets stuck in this type of environment.
- Treat the office like a prison. Pick a fight or make someone your bitch on your first day.
- Beware of nerf weapons and footballs. These are the weapons of your co-workers and your enemies. Set your monitor to the side of your cube slightly so you have better peripheral vision. They will not hesitate to nail you in the back of the head while typing or on the phone.
- Be prepared to carry the workload. Most people are lazy bastards by nature.
- Post-it notes are like disposable coasters.
- Put all edibles in lockable cabinets. My granola stash is fortunately secured from rabid cube scavengers.
- The customers during the daytime are actually weirder than the European and Asian customers we get at night. Weirdest customer of the day: we had a guy rambling on about "I didn't watch my buddies get their face shot off in Nam just to have you punks ask us for that serial number/contract number bullshit". Keep in mind that I deal in business to business and government contracts. No this wasn't a military or intelligence customer, they have manners.
- It is still safe to watch TV after the bosses go home.
posted by Brent at 9:50 AM
4 Comments:
But Brent, #3 would mean you aren't the lazy co-worker you profess to be. Nerf? People will always have nerf in office settings. It comes with the lack of originality that permeates any said setting.
I used to be lazy co-worker, now I'm forced to pick up the slack in order to avoid unemployement. My newfound diligence is mind-boggling
Brent -- Good advice. Thank you. Tip #8 from this post applies here, too.
What is it exactly that you do again? Besides making your coworkers your bitches, avoiding Nerf items, etc? And you do did this at night? Just one more question: Do you wear sunglasses at night?
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