Rockstar Wednesday was yesterday.... but the spirit lives on

I totally neglected Rockstar Wednesday yesterday in order to get more of my many odds and ends packed away for the move this weekend. In general the packing is going along pretty smoothly. I'm such a sap, though. I've got one entire box that is entirely composed of letters and presents that ex-girlfriends have given me over the years. I've never been able to bring myself to get rid of a single trinket. Not that I like to go through things like that regularly and wax nostalgic, but I just don't feel right discarding something that meant so much when it was given. Now it's in a big taped up box marked "Keepsakes", fully ready to be put into deep storage in my new basement. Le Sigh...

Okay, now that the "touchy feely" moment is over, I can get down to business. While browsing Craigslist today I found a link to possibly the coolest concept cover band ever, Metallagher. That's right, a Metallica cover band fronted by a Gallagher impersonator. Sounds like Metallica.... Looks like TRUTH. The link to their MySpace page can be found here.


Who doesn't want to be splattered in the face with Watermelon during the guitar solo from "Master of Puppets"?

I Dream About Strange Shit

After a weekend of semi-heavy drinking and cruising around on a riding lawnmower, I had the strangest dream about Tom Cruise being fed some kind of strange growth hormone and wreaking havoc on the states "War of the Worlds" style. Then the Japanese loaned us Godzilla, but he was no match for Tom Cruise's Dianetics-induced powers. However, Nike Inc. then fed Shaqille O'Neil the same growth serum and he beat the crap out of the last samurai with his undefeatable Shaq-Fu style.

Lesson learned? I don't think we should look too deeply into this one, kids. It's fucked up, even for one of my dreams.

In other news, my brother is coming back from his vacation in Santa Barbara/wine country tomorrow. Just in time to help me pack.

Dating in Wichita Sucks

MSN House & Home - America's Best (and Worst) Cities for Dating

I've always known this to be true, and now there is empirical proof. Number 2 worst city to date in, woo hoo~!

Are We Not Men? (Another Rockstar Wednesday Post)

It's Rockstar Wednesday and I really don't have anything meaningful to post except that it is $5 microbrew pitcher night at Rivercity Brewery. I leave you now with this sophmoric drinking song I used to sing in highschool:

Do the stuff that buys my beer
Re the guy who pours my beer
Mi the guy who drinks my beer
Fa a long way to the john
So I'll have another beer
La I'll have another beeeer
Ti No thanks I'll just have beer.

which brings us back to (repeat)

There's a Villain in My Head and He's Telling Me to Do Shots

Well, this weekend was fairly uneventful with the exception of me feeling like poop the majority of the time. I was invited out Saturday night by Chang to go watch some import races at the track, but crapped out on him to sit in my hideously comfortable orange chair and watch Jackass the Movie and eat Cheez-Its. Today I feel much better with the exception of a killer sinus headache. It's throbbing and it feels like an aura is coming out of the Power-V. I did a google image search to see if I could find something to illustrate it, but all I've got is what looks to be Bill Cosby trying to levitate a Jello-Pudding snack with his mind. Whatever... it'll work for the time being.


In other news, the search for a new place is over. I found a nice two-bedroom townhome about 5 minutes from work, and dropped off my application today. It's also just down the street from the YMCA where I work out, so it's in a freakishly convenient location. Now for all the fun of packing up my piles of random junk for the move in July. I also heard a rumor that I might be in consideration for a promotion sometime soon. If so that would be quite kickass. If I can get off contractor status and be changed to salaryman status, I can:

• Get better benefits
• Have more money
• Join the work ping-pong league
• Have more money

Well, I should be off to audit some online training class (has to be done by Wednesday), so adios suckers.

**Random Unnecessary Update**
I just returned from the men's restroom and there were pubes all over the urinal. I didn't notice at first, and subsequently panicked for a moment. After checking my own though, I confirmed they weren't the right color or curl density to be mine. Still rather gross and unnerving though. Just thought I would share.

Pollen Makes Me the Angry Little Man I Am

Spring is now in full force here in the midwest, and I can tell as my allergies are making me quite miserable. Most of the time I'm fine if I have a Zyrtec/Claritin, but occasionally, the symptoms get so bad I start to resemble the below diagram.


I was in the middle of watching "Batman Begins" last night when the symptoms were peaking. It's during times like these that I start to go on weird thought tangents. During the whole movie I kept thinking that if I was a supervillain in the Batman universe, I would be like the polar opposite of Poison Ivy. I would kill all pollen-bearing plant life with my touch. Then it occurred to me that would be way too much like "Scorch", the arch-enemy of Kool-Aid Man back in the 80's, and you don't want to fuck with Kool-Aid Man. He's a big ass pitcher of red artificially colored justice that will bust through your wall at the most inopportune times...


The symptoms worsened this morning, as I overslept and basically went to work looking like a homeless person (see above diagram). It's nice having a job where I don't deal with people face to face sometimes.

Can't think of anything else to write at the moment. I think I shot the creative wad with the Kool-Aid Man reference.

/Out

Idle Hands are The Devil's Something or Another

I'm actually feeling a little on the ambitious side lately, so I'm temporarily putting off my lazy co-worker status and getting a few things done.

Friday night was "Get Krunk and Sing 80's Tunes" night for my 26th birthday (which was actually on Sunday). I was complemented on several instances for my spirited renditions of AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" and some Great White song that I don't recall. Apparently I have that "hair band voice". With my power V hairline, I don't think I could ever have that hair band hair, though. It would end up looking like a really ugly skullet or something, not unlike this guy.


My friend Aaron showed up, but is losing the battle to have the superior power V. His hairline seems to be retreating in less of a sharp arch and more of a rapidly retreating ) shape. It's okay Aaron, at least you won the beard growing contest (I disqualified myself since my face was itching too bad on day 9). I also was tricked into dancing with some weird girl by a friend. Can't remember the details too well, only remember my brother bailing me out by running distraction by doing the N'sync "no strings attached dance" so I could make a hasty exit.

Saturday was a burb' wide garage sale, and I went looking for some pecularities to add to the new place when I move in July. I picked up a couple of really cool vintage lamps and a 60's era burnt orange terrycloth lazyboy chair with matching ottoman. The chair is hideously comfy, and I think I'll be hanging my painting of Bob Marley above it. Later that night, after punishing myself at the gym, I went and watched the Mike Tyson fight at a friend's house. It was a particulary boring fight with the clumsiest Irish boxer I've never heard of. Tyson gave up in the 7th round, even though this clod couldn't knock my mama out. This only furthers my original claim that Mike Tyson was only in it to pay some bills (he made $5 for losing while Chumba Wumba got a mere $150,000 for winning). My claim was even further backed when Tyson TOLD everyone that he only did it for the money in the post interview. I still annoyed my friends by doing Drago impressions from Rocky IV every 5 minutes. The Irish dude was waaay huger than Tyson, but couldn't hit him without being less than 6 inches from him.

Sunday, I started working on a protest song for Larry's uncontest, but my Pop's scale ADD kicked in and I ended up just rocking out with my amp at 11 while playing "Blitzkrieg Bop" on my guitar.

Monday was a torrid day. I finally put off my long procrastinated task of reorganizing my e-mail folders at work. This took me most of the day. Eeeeewwwww...

Today is not so bad as yesterday. Besides getting a decent blog post in, I'm working on getting my student loans reconsolidated so I can save an easy $50 on my monthly payment. I'm also updating my "People Who Pretend To Like Me List" (if anyone's left off who wants on, just leave a comment or sumptin'), uploading DVD's onto the network, and occasionally fixing a customer's problem (one of them being Universal Music in Germany, which I think is Swayer's company). All in all I'm keeping fairly busy. I think I'll even stay on my routine and head over to the gym after work.

I'm out like Flint.

P.S. Visit the Krull Krusher blog and/or rate him on HOT OR NOT.
His current score is like a 4 and that's waaaay to high.

Things I Did At Work Today...

1. Played Ninja Gaiden on the nintendo emulator I have hidden on my work PC.
2. Listened to some new MP3's I snuck in (At The Drive In, New Eels LP, various Flaming Lips)
3. Watch some new DVD rips we have stashed on our network (some cool art film called "Primer")
4. Prank called engineers in my group.
5. Threw stuffed football at engineers while they were on the phone.
6. Doodled
7. Made personal phone calls.
8. Counted the hairs on my arm (lost count at "a lot")
9. Generally did less work than you.

Who's the number one lazy coworker now, bitches?

My Urine Lacquered Workplace

It was a fairly productive day at work today, however, one wouldn't think so by looking at my e-mail chain between me and my brother (visit the Krull Krusher blog on the sidebar and tell him to fucking update). It could possibly be the least mature conversation I've ever had with my brother while at work. Here's the e-mail from plant facilities that kicked it off:
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Subject: An uncomfortable situation


Our housekeeping people are having some problems with us when they are servicing the restrooms. Please consider the restrooms totally out of service while they are being serviced and cleaned by housekeeping and go on to another restroom. Allow housekeeping freedom from pressure and embarrassment while they are servicing the restrooms so they can do their work thoroughly and without interruption. We have had people complain about the wet slippery floors and that was while housekeeping was in the process of cleaning the floor. If you are in the middle of mopping the floor it is probably wet. Housekeeping has even had men come in and use the urinals while they are cleaning in the restrooms. Please do not do that. That is just too rude and crude to be acceptable in our society.

Please pass this on to others at your crew meetings who may not have access to e-mail and solicit their help and cooperation.

Jimmy Jimmerson
Manager, Facilities
*************************************************************************************
This spawned a series of smart ass comments.

Adam: Was this you???
Brent: No it wasn't me. They peed in the urinal. I peed in the dirty mop water. Big Difference.
Adam: It's all the same to me. Someone's bathroom floor must have smelled like pure pee pee after that!
Brent: I did it to teach them a lesson….
Adam: I guess it had to be done.
Brent: Don't tell them it was me
Adam: Oh I'm gonna!
Brent: I will hunt you down and choke you. Well I guess it won't be too hard to hunt you down, as you live right below me. How's about I rephrase that to, "I will chase you down and choke you".
Adam: You cannot break me. I have the power of HEART!
Brent: Heart is the gayest power ever. All it does is charm the monkeys
Adam: You underestimate that power of HEART my older brother!
Brent: Yeah, well you still need the cool powers in order to form the greatest mulleted super hero ever, CAPTAIN PLANET!
Adam: What, like WIND or EARTH? F*** that!
Brent: Yeah, if captain planet was here right now, he'd mule kick you because he'd think you were pollution or something….

More Weird Shit from America's Breadbasket

Wichita Eagle | 06/07/2005 | Bizarre burglar disrupts pastor's brunch

Okay, so some dude in my hometown decides to rob a Baptist minister while he is preaching, and is caught post sermon in their house trying on his/her clothes and watching the Karate Kid part II. To me the only thing weirder than that would be to be caught masturbating to Burt Reynolds in Canonball Run II. I wonder if the burglar had already made his way through Karate Kid part I before starting part II. I would have to advise that he skip part III though and jump directly to "The Next Karate Kid". Not that he'll be getting the chance anytime soon. You see, when you are soaking in someone else's hot tub while watching said Ralph Machio vehicle, you tend to leave behind lots and lots of forensic evidence. Just in case catching someone in your shorts isn't proof enough for Kansas courtrooms.

In other news, it's my birthday this weekend and I'm getting old and my friends have no pity for me. Instead they wish to accellerate my decline by making me drink lots of wine last weekend and probably will be feeding me shots this weekend. My sister is prime instigator in this. She will yell "Bitches take shots!" until I do. This is her favorite new bar phrase, and I wouldn't be surprised if she puts it on a T-shirt. I've also received several gifts already that seem to aid in further debauchery. Among them are a liquor pump and a multitude of various shot glasses and snifters.

Also, have been practicing the guitar a lot lately, and have added a handfull of 70's/80's songs to my repartoire. I've also started on some blues scales/progressions and am finding that pretty sweet.

Well, that's enough babbling for now. I've got work to do and houses to look at.

WHOOMP!!! There I Is

Well, I participated in another successfull Rockstar Wednesday last night. I've been trying to cut back on Rockstar Wednesday a little bit since I'm supposed to be saving my cash right now, but the temptations of cheap pitchers and two-for-ones as well as staggering peer pressure from friends caused me to cave in.

**************************************************************************************
Example of said peer pressure:
K: Want to go get a beer after work?
B: Yes
**************************************************************************************

Unfortunately, after enjoying a pitcher at one of my favorite low-key places, she got a call from some of her friends and we met up with them at Emerson Bigguns, aka the "beautiful people" bar. I didn't think it would be so busy on a Wednesday night, but every frat boy with concealer on their face and pomade-dried hair was there with their bleached blonde girlfriends. In comparison to everyone there who was done up to the nines, I looked like a soccer hooligan. Sometimes I wish I had the aggressiveness of a soccer hooligan though, as I wanted to headbutt the guy who kept jabbing me in the ass cheek with his pool cue everytime he took a shot. I have to sit on that ass all day as you well know, and I don't need a pool cue induced dimple in it. To top it all off, I ran into a good friend of my ex-girlfriend (the one who took forever to give me back my stuff). She was unusually friendly with me for some reason. When I was out last Friday with some mutual friends, she didn't give me the time of day and stared at me like I was some kind of yet unnamed disease. Instead, last night I was entreated to a spirited account of how she was serving jury duty on the most boring trial ever.

Delightful.

I will never truly understand the opposite sex. Instead, I am destined to repel them with my tendency to sing along to Prince songs poorly and often.

Thought of the day:
My lanyard/name badge at work is kind of like a G-Unit medallion for engineering nerds.

Discus. **edit, I know this is supposed to be spelled discuss, smartasses. Fucking spellcheck doesn't check context. **